So you’ve got young kids and things have been pretty lacklustre in the bedroom lately. I hear you. Diapers, snotty noses, and 5am wakeup calls can kill the mood for anybody. Then factor in your own exhaustion, body changes, and non-existent spare time and you can forget what it’s like to be intimate with your partner.
All of those reasons and so many more are why I believe every couple should own at least one sex toy - especially if you have young kids. Don’t roll your eyes. Just hear me out.
Sex toys have come a long, long way in recent years. If you think it’s all about rabbit vibrators and scary huge dildos I am here to tell you that there is much more out there than you can ever imagine. They may not get you swinging from the chandeliers but they can at least give you a nudge in the right direction.
I speak as someone who has been there and who has had many a friend travel the same road. I learned through trial and error but these are some tips that worked really well for me Try introducing some toys to these pretty typical young parent bedroom dilemmas and see where it gets you.
Problem #1 I just don’t have any libido since having the baby.
You’re not alone. At all. The libido can take a plunge when there are little people to care for and it’s not just in women – men go through it too. Remember that you don’t have to have sex to feel close and many couples go months and months after having a baby before they go back to a sexual relationship. How about heading to bed with a nice vibrating massager and just relax? Ease those sore muscles and just enjoy the vibration, trading it back and forth. The best massagers have the ability to turn your muscles to jelly in a fraction of the time (and with less arm strain) than a traditional massage, making more time for you both to enjoy. As an added bonus, these are toys that don’t look like sex toys. I admit to having my 9 year old use mine on my sore back!
I recommend the Magic Wand Original for easing those sore, tired muscles and getting the blood flowing.
Problem #2 There’s not enough time in the day. The brain may be willing but the body is exhausted.
We all know what it’s like to be dead on our feet when we have young kids. Who can stay awake for all the foreplay it takes to get to the main event? You have a fleeting thought of “Well maybe… zzzzzzzzz.” This is where a vibrator comes in mighty handy. It doesn’t have to be a substitute for your partner, just an enhancement. There are wonderful vibrators that are meant to be used only externally, and in the hands of your partner they can speed along the foreplay in a big way. Use it before penetrative sex to get you going or slip it between you during the main event to speed things along. He will love the buzz as well. And please don’t forget to buy a great quality lubricant and use it generously. I can’t stress this enough. Check out our article on How To Stay Slippery When Wet if you want some great suggestions in that area.
Try the We Vibe Tango. It’s small, discreet and mighty powerful.
Problem #3 My partner wants sex more than I do now
This is an oldie but a goodie and it’s a perfectly legitimate complaint. Did you know that there’s a whole world of masturbation sleeves out there now to aid men in giving themselves a helping hand? It’s easier on his (and your) wrist and lets him satisfy himself with you present or just with the knowledge that you understand and encourage him to find pleasure even if you’re too exhausted to participate. Same goes for female partners. Shop for a vibrator together and help her use it when you’re just too tired.
Tenga Eggs Male Masturbation Sleeves are super discreet, disposable, and a lot of fun.
Problem #4 Nothing feels the same “down there” anymore and it puts me off sex.
A friend once described sex after childbirth as “throwing a hot dog down a hallway.” Sound familiar? Obviously a woman’s body can take time to heal after childbirth but if you feel like you’re just not springing back into shape down there, I highly recommend some kind of kegel exerciser. Lelo makes the wonderful Luna Beads which are a graduated weight system to help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles which is critical not just for sex, but for your overall health. Any woman who pees when she sneezes needs to get her pelvic floor muscles working better. They’re easier to insert than a tampon and you can wear them around the house while you do laundry. That’s my kind of exercise.
You can find LELO’s Luna Beads here.
Problem #5 I’m having trouble having orgasms now. What used to work for me just doesn’t anymore.
This is a scary one because it can make you wonder if you’ll ever get back the body and libido you had before kids. But you have to remember that your libido is a “use it or lose it” kind of thing. The best way to get it back in shape is to practice practice practice. I firmly believe that every woman should masturbate. Your body changes after kids and how you reach orgasm can change too. Sex with a partner means not only trying to please them but also trying to let them please you. That can be a lot of pressure. If you only have time to relax in the tub after the kids are in bed, get yourself a waterproof vibrator and see where it takes you. If naptime is your only free time, there are some lovely and quiet toys out there you can try. Explore and catalogue your responses and you may find that your libido can spark back to life in ways you never tried before.
LELO Siri 2 is a fantastic waterproof clitoral vibe. If you want something insertable, I highly recommend the LELO Ina 2 for a super high quality rabbit styled vibe.