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Betty's Guide to Great Sex After Menopause

If you assume that menopause means an end to sexual desire and activity, you need to think again. After all, American women have some of the highest life expectancies in the world with an average of 82.65 years. That means a lot of us are still happy, healthy, and enjoying sex long after menopause. With the average age of menopause landing somewhere around 52 years old, that’s a lot of orgasms still to be had!

For many of us, the desire for sex and closeness do not diminish with menopause but changes in our bodies and hormone levels mean we may have to go about seeking pleasure a little differently. That’s why our experts at Betty’s have put together this great list of suggestions on how tackle some common changes that come with menopause and how to keep that fire lit either solo or with your partner.


Noticing a decrease in your body’s ability to created natural lubrication is completely normal in menopause and is linked to a decline in estrogen. This can be frustrating, particularly if you have always had lots of natural lubrication but there are some great products out there that can help. Here are some of our tips for vaginal dryness.

  • Use lubricant every time you masturbate or have sex with a partner to avoid discomfort and chaffing. Look for thicker lubes or ones that are pH balanced and gentle.
  • Masturbate! If penetration is uncomfortable, try to have orgasms through clitoral stimulation alone. This will increase the blood flow to the vagina
  • Use a lubricant daily to help you feel more comfortable
  • Consult a doctor if you are finding that nothing seems to be working for you.

Betty Recommends

Pjur Med Repair Glide Water Based Moisturizing Lubricant

Good Clean Love Bio Match Restore Moisturizing Aloe Based Vaginal Lubricant

Dame Aer Clitoral Suction Vibrator (pictured below)


Another side effect of lowered estrogen is the loss of elasticity in our vaginal walls. That can lead to discomfort during penetration. Of course, it is always wise to consult a doctor or a pelvic floor specialist if you are experiencing extreme discomfort but here are some of our tips to help you along.

  • Use lots of thick, cushioned lubricants during partnered or solo sex
  • Masturbate using external stimulation of the clitoris to get the blood flowing throughout your vagina and pelvis
  • Try a vaginal dilator set to help loosen up your muscles
  • Warm your insertable sex toys or dilators help increase your comfort.
  • Buffers are available to use on your partner’s penis or on insertable toys to limit the depth of penetration
  • Forego using hard, inflexible vibrators internally and opt for softer, smaller, flexible models

Betty Recommends

Inspire Silicone Vaginal Dilators Kit

Wicked Simply Hybrid Jelle Lubricant

Warm Sex Toy Warming System

Ohnut Set of 4 Wearable Penetration Adjustment Rings

Flex O Pleaser Narrow Flexible Vibrator


If you find yourself peeing a bit when you sneeze or pee, rest assured this is completely normal. Although not just a menopausal issue, the pelvic floor certainly weakens as we age, and this decreases our ability to clench those muscles like we used to. Here are some of our best tips:

  • Have lot of orgasms. This involuntary contracting of the pelvic floor muscles is great exercise as well as just plain amazing.
  • Strengthen your pelvic floor with kegel exercises. A strong pelvic floor helps not only with urinary problems but with vaginal discomfort and can make your orgasms more powerful. Luckily, kegel balls come in many shapes and sizes including ones that vibrate, helping to draw much needed blood flow to the pelvic region
  • Carry vaginal wipes in your bag to help you feel fresher after those little accidents.

Betty Recommends

LELO Luna Beads Kegel Exerciser Set

Afterglow Multipack Intimate Cleansing Tissue

kGoal Smart App Compatible Interactive Kegel Trainer


A dip in libido is very common in women at menopause and there can be a number of underlying factors. Hormonal changes do play a part but so can stress and any number of the other issues we spoke about earlier, which can all affect your self esteem and body image. Again, if you are concerned, please consult your doctor. Here are some tips our experts recommend to help get you in the groove. 

  • More foreplay can help you get to a point where you are able to relax and enjoy yourself. Try massage candles or oils with your partner
  • Masturbate or have partnered sex without orgasm as a goal. Try using an external vibrator all over your body – your skin, nipples, etc. – to awaken desire
  • Try using a clitoral stimulation cream to enhance your body’s natural arousal. These often create heightened sensation that can give us that boost we need.

Betty Recommends

Magic Wand Power Rechargeable Cordless Vibrator

On Arousal Oil Original by Sensuva

Shunga Erotic Vanilla Scented Massage Candle

Blossom Organics Aloe Based Natural Clitoral Arousal Gel

Aria Mi Vibe Bullet Vibrator Kit


As we get older, our bodies change as well and suddenly the positions we used to enjoy during sex can become uncomfortable and challenging. There is a large selection of cushions, straps, and bolsters on the market that can help by supporting your back, hips, neck, or anywhere else that challenges you.

Betty Recommends

I Like It Doggie Style Sex Position Strap and Support

Liberator Wedge 24 Inch Sex Positioning Cushion

Liberator Wedge and Ramp Combo Sex Positioning Cushion (pictured above)





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