Curious about anal play with your partner? Let Betty's Manager and resident Sexpert walk you through some tips and tricks to make anal play fun, comfortable and thrilling for both of you!
Hi everybody, it’s Carolyn. I am the manager of Betty's Toy Box and today we're going to have a little chat about anal play. We are going to talk about first time anal play with your partner, what you need to talk about, and some steps you need to take before you start to embark on this for the first time.
We get a lot of emails and messages from people saying, ‘Hey, I'd really love to try anal. How do I talk about this with my partner? I'm not sure if they're really into it.’
Here's a couple of things that I think that you should probably consider.
The first thing is that there are some myths out there about anal play. People think that it is going to be painful. It doesn't need to be painful. And we're going to talk about that. People think that you should just be able to get down and do it. It doesn't really work that way either. There's some preparation you need to do. The other thing is that it's going to be like you see in porn. No. Those performers spend days preparing to do an anal scene. They restrict their diets. They do enemas. They insert lube into themselves. There's a lot going on there and it just doesn't happen naturally that way in the real world.
So, we're going to talk about some things that you can do with your partner to maybe make them feel more comfortable with the thought of trying it.
Now, first off, talk, talk, talk. Don't wait until you're in bed. Have a conversation about it. ‘Hey, this is something that maybe I thought we should try.’ And then maybe you can talk about some of the tips that I'm about to give you that might make them feel more comfortable.
I think one of the things that people, when they're embarking on anal play, the person who's receiving might be uncomfortable about the thought of there being a mess. They might be uncomfortable with the thought of it being painful. You need to think about those things before you get started. So, talk, talk, talk, have a conversation about it.
The other thing that you might want to try is to get some prep going on. Plan for when you're going to do this, lay a towel on the bed, have some wet wipes that are close by so you can clean with, and if your partner is uncomfortable about the thought of there maybe being a mess, wear a condom. It makes it so much simpler. That way, for cleanup when you are done, you can be completely ready to go.
The other thing that you really need to do, lube, lube, lube. You cannot possibly ever have enough. One of the things that I have found with some people is that they say, ‘Oh, but we were using lube,’ and they were using a thinner water-based lube. And maybe what was happening is that it was drying out. Water-based lube will kind of absorb into the skin. So, you will need to keep reapplying it. Reapply, reapply, reapply. You can never have enough.
The other thing you can try is something like this, which is a silicone and water hybrid. It makes it thicker. It makes it more slippery. It is safe with condoms. So, you can use it with your condom. It is safe with any sex toys that you want to use as well.
Then the next thing that we want to try doing is starting small. If your partner is saying, I do not know, I think it might be really uncomfortable,’ there's so many anal toys out there on the market. Make sure you use something that is made for anal with a flared base but look how tiny this is. That can give you the feeling, if you are using it, have those muscles moving, relaxing, contracting. You can tease a little bit with it, move it around and give your partner a level of comfort with what is going on. Then if you want to, this is a set, and you can move up. You can get something a little bit bigger.
You could tease them with some beads, just something like that. So that the first thing that they are not experiencing when they're trying anal play is something the size of a penis, which can be daunting.
And the other thing is that if the first time you are experiencing anal is with another person, then the person who's being penetrated, that kind of takes away a little bit of their control of their own comfort. So, if you start with something small, like a toy that lets them kind of control their comfort level, what they like and what they do not. You could even work your way up to a smaller dildo. You can work your way up a little bit more until you are finally comfortable.
The other thing that you can consider is if you are worried about there being a mess, before you start, you can use something like this, which is an anal douche. It has holes in the sides and the tip, and you just put some water in there and then you can insert it a little bit, give it a little bit of a swirl out. Usually there is not poop down right in the entrance of your rectum, but this is your butt. Poop can happen. This can help. Give a little bit of an insert and a swirl out and get it a lot cleaner.
The other thing you need to do just communicate every step of the way. Make sure you are talking about how you feel. Are you comfortable? Are you enjoying this? How do you like it?
So, there you go. These are my tips for trying anal for the first time with your partner. Condoms, lube, some wipes, lots of patience and lots and lots of communication. So again, it is Carolyn for Betty's Toy Box. Have fun playing.