By Jake Austin
There are soft dicks and there are hard dicks. But anyone who has one knows that there are a lot of in-betweeners too.
Get a little blood pumping to it and it’s going to get bigger even if it’s still flaccid.
There’s the chubby, which is that state where the penis isn’t quite hard yet but still not exactly soft.
And then there are the times your dick is hard but not as rock-solid as it can get. It’s fine. It’s functional. But you know it could get firmer with the right kind of encouragement.
Normally, that’s no big deal. Whether you’re rock solid or semi-limp, your dick can still do its thing.
But a lot of guys worry about being hard enough during sex. They want that big, solid erection they know they’re capable of achieving. They don’t want to settle for being semi-firm or mostly hard when they’re getting down with someone else.
If you ever find yourself in that situation, there are a few things you can do to make your erection stronger and keep it that way longer.
Grip the Base
How hard your dick gets has to do with your blood flow. Arousal causes blood to rush to your cock and the more engorged it gets, the harder it will be.
To get a stronger erection, you have to get more blood to your dick and keep too much of it from flowing back out.
One of the easiest ways to do this is by gripping the base of your shaft. Wrapping your thumb and index finger tightly around it is going to encourage more blood to flow in and, more importantly, slow down the flow of the blood going back out.
Wear a Cockring
Gripping the base of your shaft helps you get firmer and stay hard. The downside is that it’s kind of awkward.
Keeping a hand around your dick is going to make some sex positions a lot more difficult. You also won’t be able to touch and squeeze your partner the way you want to when you’re getting it on.
A cockring is a really great hands-free alternative. Slip it on and let it do the squeezing for you.
Using a cockring is one of the best ways to get a rock solid hard-on. Just be sure to get the right size. Wearing a ring that’s too loose won’t do much good. Wearing one that’s too tight will be uncomfortable, and that kind of distraction is the last thing you need when you’re trying to stay hard.
You can measure yourself to see what size you need. If you’re still not sure what size ring would be best for you, buy a set with multiple rings so you can try them on and see which size feels right.
Pull Out and Stroke It
If you struggle to stay hard during partnered sex because of death grip or performance anxiety, you might have to give yourself a hand. When you feel yourself going soft, pull out and give your dick a few strokes until it firms up again.
If you have death grip, you might be accustomed to the kind of speed and pressure you don’t get from sex. Giving yourself the right kind of stimulation can help you regain your rigidity.
If it’s performance anxiety giving you trouble, stroking yourself will give you a few moments to get out of your head. You don’t have to worry about impressing your hand - you can just relax, get hard, and then go back in for more.
Work on Your Pelvic Muscles
You probably don’t think about your pelvic floor muscles nearly as often as you think of your dick, but they’re part of the whole package and play an important role in the way it functions. One thing those muscles do is regulate the flow of blood to your happy place. That means keeping them strong will help you keep your cock firm and swollen.
Working out your pelvic muscles is extremely easy. They’re the muscles you flex to stop the flow of your pee mid-stream. All you have to do is flex them in the exact same way when you’re not going number one.
Flex and hold for a few seconds, then let go. Repeat that at least ten times a day and you’ll eventually get stronger erections.
Improve Your Cardiovascular Health
This is a much more long-term solution, but it’s one that you should be working on no matter what’s going on in your underwear.
Since firmness is all about blood flow, the overall health of your circulatory system is going to play a big role in getting you hard.
Keep your blood pressure under control by reducing stress and exercising regularly. If it’s still high even after lifestyle changes, consult your doctor in case you have underlying conditions that may require blood pressure medication.
Make cardio a part of your weekly routine. Ideally, half an hour of moderate intensity exercise four to five times a week, but any amount is going to help.
Balancing your macros so your diet isn’t too high in fat can help ensure better circulation, too.
Do You Really Need It to Be Harder?
There’s one more thing you should do when you’re dismayed about how hard you are: stop and ask yourself if it really matters.
If there’s one thing most guys have in common, it’s insecurities about their dick. I’ve got my fair share of them. If you’re reading this, you probably have a few too.
Those insecurities often make us blow minor things out of proportion. We fret about our dick looking small because it looks ever so slightly thicker when it’s fully engorged. Or we’re convinced we’re going to disappoint in bed unless we can get as hard as a steel rod.
Usually, we’re the only ones who even notice. Our partners can’t always feel the difference between us at 100% firmness versus 90% solid. And losing an eighth of an inch of girth won’t make your dick look much different.
But eat well and go for a jog anyway. Work on those pelvic floor muscles too - in the long run, you’ll be glad you did.
And if you still wish it was harder, go ahead and slip on that cockring and make yourself as firm as you can.
Jake Austin is the co-host of the dirty and intimate sex podcast Pillow Talk With Emma Austin and the world's best and only Seinfeld sex podcast, What's The Deal With Fucking? But mostly he's on Twitter: @MisterAustin1