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How to Introduce BDSM into Your Relationship: A Video Primer with Tawney

Do you want to try some BDSM but aren't sure how to approach it with your partner? Let Tawney walk you through how to get started and how to introduce the idea of kink or bondage into your relationship. 

Tawney Seren is a product reviewer, toy expert, author, blogger, and performer with over a decade of experience. Reigning from the Pacific Northwest, Tawney enjoys educating about self-health, sex, and the adventures we go through to obtain sexual happiness. She is a lover of sweets, roller derby, and a great many nerdy fandoms.

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Video transcript

Hey everybody, it’s Tawney Seren, hello I'm Delilah, and we're here with Naughty Betty's. Today we are going to talk about bringing up BDSM.

So, introducing the subject, how do you talk about it, how do you kind of introduce it. Definitely, like try it out by yourself or just trying to like see, like, what you like.

You might you might be interested in impact playing, spanks and things like that, but realize that you don't like the sting. Yeah, totally. I think there's a difference between fuzzy impact play and stinging impact, but it's how can you kind of like explore it solo, before like bringing it in. It’s just that it's as simple as like kind of spanking yourself.

Oh, absolutely, I can't! I was really afraid of pussy stings. Yes, a while, so that was something that I practiced by myself before I was like hey partner of mine! Yeah, and get that pad, cos it's fun when you explore stuff by yourself. You're easily able to articulate what you want from your partner, and you can do that.

So if it's a little bit nerve-wracking to just ask them, like hey we want to bring this in, you can do some solo play, flogging fun. There's also a lot of different toys that, I mean, as we know, like everything there's a lot of toys catered to BDSM. It's really easy to grab a toy like a spanker and bring it in and know that it's like not as intense as now like some of the other stuff.

You could, like, do some research and watch these like hardcore BDSM videos, like that is intimidating. Yeah, and somebody might just watch it for the first time and think that's what BDSM is. Whatever your little heart desires, yeah, like there's just so many different flavors, it's fantastic really.

And so now if you've tried it solo and you've checked out some kind of low-key toys that aren't going to be too intimidating, how then do you discuss it with your partner? Oh man, so my partner and I have always really had like an open communication, and we've always said like the hardest conversations are the ones that need to be had. So like when we started talking about like what was not working in the bedroom, yeah, we're like we want to try to like explore other things … kind of brainstormed, and just it's, it's all about open communication, just like this is what I like.

Yeah, or I was thinking about maybe trying this, or I saw this in a video. Yeah, you think, I also recommend if you are comfortable watching porn with your partner, starting to watch porn with more impact play. Start associating that visualization of BDSM with pleasure that you guys are already getting from each other. Like that can be a great segue into it.

Fantastic, yeah, but if you are not comfortable watching porn with your partner, still you should be comfortable to be able to, you know, bring it up in a conversation. And I also think baby steps can be taken.

Oh, how I want to have a BDSM life – yeah, I think we're not gonna go from very vanilla to you are now my slave. Exactly, yeah, there's a whole lot of variation in between there. Yeah, like you could bring up that hey I found that I kind of enjoy spanking, how do you feel about spanking? You don't even have to label it BDSM, like there's no point. Yeah, what if I blindfolded you, or you could me.

Yeah, blindfold play is one of my favorite kinds of BDSM, and it started off with a blindfold and that was it. It's super not intimidating at all. I feel like blindfolds are mainstream enough that it's not like a taboo thing to bring in handcuffs or a blindfold, and they're everywhere.

Right, yeah, so have the discussion. Take baby steps. Perhaps watch some porn with your partner to kind of integrate it. I would also say educate yourself on it, like understand what it is, read articles about it, enjoy that with your partner. You don't even have to be introducing it as part of the bedroom intimacy. Like, I learned this cool fact about BDSM, let them read about it, and it might just kind of entice. Yeah, really fun.

So we wish you the best on your BDSM journey and bringing that into the bedroom with your partner. Grab your spankers, grab your handcuffs, get your ticklers. Oh, get your tickler! So nice, one of my favorite BDSM toys. It's not even about pain or like anything like that, it's just literally feathers on the end of a stick, and it's fantastic.

And, you guys, there's a bunch of different toys that can help assist with that. Have the discussion, grab a toy, have some fun. Yes, maybe watch this video. Yes, oh yeah, definitely sit down and watch this video, because they can be a really fun thing. It does not have to be intense. It's about the level in which you want to take it, in that control and that pleasure is completely up to you and your partner or partners.

So thank you so much! Again, I'm Tawney Seren, my name is Delilah, and we'll be back with more.