We are told repeatedly that middle aged women are in their sexual prime yet I hear over and over about low libido, vaginal dryness, and general discomfort during sex. Perimenopause and menopause come with some changes that make it difficult to enjoy the sex like you used to have but take heart, I have some great suggestions for you that may just help.
First and foremost, I am going to recommend that you masturbate. Our bodies change at mid-life and so do our sexual reactions. Our partners are often going through their own sexual shifts which only adds to stress takes a negative toll on our sex lives. Experimenting with what works for you alone is a stress-free way to figure out your body’s reactions and you can then take that new knowledge into the bedroom with your partner.
I am going to run through some common sexual issues and make some recommendations that have worked for myself and others. And remember, I am focusing on self-pleasure here. Know thyself, ladies.Orgasms release endorphins that make us feel great but they also get blood flowing in the vagina which is critical at this stage in our lives. Many women experience vaginal dryness as our estrogen production decreases. This means that not only are we not producing the natural lubrication we may have always relied on for sex, but also that our vaginal walls are losing their elasticity and becoming dryer. That’s where discomfort during intercourse comes from.
I cannot downplay the usefulness of sex toys in this scenario. I recommend the Magic Wand Original (which plugs in) or the Magic Wand Rechargeable (cordless) because of their sheer power and versatility. Lock yourself in your bedroom and use the vibrations all over your body. You don’t have to go in with any erotic intent. Soothe that knot in your back. Press it on your calves, your neck, or your feet. Relax and see where the mood takes you. As a wand massager, this is a purely external toy so you don’t have to worry about dryness or vaginal discomfort. The sheer power of this wand is world renowned for helping women suffering from anorgasmia (inability to orgasm) for over 40 years.
I love personal lubricants and my favorite by far is anything by Sliquid. They are natural, well-formulated and gentle while still being extremely effective. If you’re just a little dry, I recommend Sliquid H2O which is a water based lubricant that can be used with all sex toys and is extremely gentle on our fragile skin. If dryness is becoming a bigger issue, you could try Sliquid Naturals Satin which is infused with aloe vera, vitamin E, and carrageenan and formulated specifically to be used daily by women who are experiencing regular or periodic dryness. You don’t have to be having sex to use this wonderful lube because it mimics your body’s own natural lubrication. A few drops can give you back that natural feeling of elasticity.
As we get older and our waist lines inevitably seem to thicken, the last thing we want to hear is that our vaginas need regular exercise as well. Sadly, decreased estrogen means that our vaginal walls are losing their elasticity and suppleness that we took for granted when we were fertile. The good news is that masturbation and/or regular sexual activity can get much need blood flowing throughout your pelvis.
If you’re starting to experience mild vaginal tightening, I have some recommendations. Vibrators are great because they really get the blood flowing. If you’re also having trouble reaching orgasm, you may want to try a rabbit styled vibrator like the Rianne S Heating Rabbit which has a lot of power for both vaginal and clitoral stimulation. The heating function also helps with relaxation of delicate tissues and the silicone material is really what you should be using around delicate vaginal tissues.
The one drawback of insertable vibrators is that they are usually quite firm and that can be uncomfortable on your sensitive vaginal walls. My solution is to try a soft dildo like the Avant D1 Hot N Cool Dildo which is about the width of the average male penis and is made of super soft silicone that will bend to the curves of your body. Pair that with a bullet vibrator like the We-Vibe Tango and you have some wonderful sensations to get blood flowing but the control to still feel comfortable.
It happens to the best of us and it is far from sexy. Anything from a little dribble when we sneeze to an inability to clench those muscles and hold it in. If bladder leakage is harshing your groove, try strengthening those pelvic floor muscles with some Kegel exercises. I find that Kegel balls are great for giving you something to focus on and work against. My favorites are the Luna Beads by LELO for their simplicity, their graduated sizes, and the non-porous silicone material. If you want a bit more motivation with your exercise, I recommend the We-Vibe Bloom App Controlled Kegel Balls. These babies vibrate so you’re getting some lovely internal stimulation along with your exercises. They’re also app controlled and you can follow exercise routines to keep you motivated.