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Temperature Play: Turn Up the Heat Between the Sheets

Temperature play is a good starting point for curious folks wanting to kink it up a notch and explore BDSM during solo or partner play. Varying the temperature of items you may already have in your home or in your toy box opens up a whole new world of pleasurable possibilities. Here’s our beginner’s guide to taking the plunge into the world or temperature play.

What is temperature play?

The term temperature play made its way into the Urban Dictionary in 2015 described as “a way to provoke arousal by using the skin’s neuroreceptors.” Using heat and cold as a means of stimulation allows you to start exploring the realm of pain and pleasure associated with BDSM. Alternating between both extremes puts the brain and nerve endings on high alert. The element of surprise and anticipation along with the rush of sensations help create an atmosphere of intense arousal. Every stroke and every touch elicits a different response based on which end of the pain/pleasure spectrum your erogenous zone is met with.  


Setting the stage

Playing with temperature takes a little pre planning, so here are our recommendations of what to have on hand before getting started. Put down a towel or blanket! This will save your sheets from any unwanted drips or spills and make clean up a snap.


If you’re playing with both hot and cold temperatures you’ll want to have your toys or liquids immersed ahead of time so they’ll be temperature ready when you are. Plug in a heating pad if you’re planning on placing any items on there that you want to keep warm. We also recommend having a glass of water nearby just in case it gets a little too intense and you need to cool things down quickly. 



Ice is typically what first comes to mind when considering temperature play. We’re all familiar with those erotic scenes involving ice being dripped on or seductively stroked along skin. We don’t recommend placing it directly on one area for more than a few minutes as you don’t want to cause any damage to the epidermis. Holding ice in your mouth and then licking or kissing your partner, particularly on or around their genitals brings an immediate sting of sensation. Alternately you can turn up the heat by taking sips of warm water and then leaving a trail of sultry kisses where they most want them.



We recommend using lube in any form of intimate play, but simply changing the temperature of this liquid gold can create a dramatic effect on how it feels against your most intimate areas. Warm lube not only feels luxurious, the heat helps to increase blood flow to the genitals which in turn translates into more powerful orgasms.  We recommend warming your lube by placing it in a bowl of moderately hot water for several minutes before use. Microwaving lube is a no no as it tends to heat unevenly and can end up scorching your skin. Don’t want the hassle of heating it up? Why not go with one of our lubes made with ingredients that create a natural warming effect when absorbed into the skin. 

Betty Recommends:

Intimate Earth Melt Warming Water Based Lubricant

Wicked Aqua Heat Warming Water Based Lubricant

Alternately, you can cool your lube down by placing it in a bowl of cold or icy water.  The shocking sensation when applied to skin may cause a constricting effect, but that is part of the sensory experience. Creating that chill factor may result in a refractory period which staves off orgasm and prolongs your play. Want to skip the step of putting your lube on the rocks? Why not try one of our naturally cooling lubes. The built in frosty feeling will leave you with a slippery and shivery sensation.

Betty Recommends:

Wicked Aqua Chill Water Based Cooling Lubricant

Jo H2O Cooling Water Based Lubricant



Incorporating food in temperature play can certainly sweeten the deal but use caution when indulging in cold confections or other tasty treats. Dabble in erotic art with one of our delectable dark chocolate body paints. Try heating it up for a truly decadent experience.  Just make sure to avoid the genitals as the sugar content in any of these foods can trigger a yeast infection.

Betty Recommends:

High on Love Dark Chocolate Body Paint

Shunga Edible Body Paint - Aphrodisiac Chocolate


Massage Oil

You can alter the feel of massage oil by simply sitting the bottle in water at the temperature of your choice. Want to skip this step to get straight to the good stuff?  We have oils that go on at room temperature but heat up as it is rubbed on and absorbed into the skin. 

Betty Recommends

Exsens of Paris Hot Vanilla Warming Massage Oil

Alternately you can take pleasure in watching your partner writhe and wriggle as you place icy drops of oil all over their body.


Wax play

Playing with hot wax is not only a sensual experience but can be visually stimulating as well. Seeing the melted wax leave colorful streaks all over your partner’s body can be a turn on in itself, not to mention watching them react to the shocking sensation as it slowly drips on their skin. It’s important to use candles that are body safe. These products burn at a lower temperature to reduce the risk of scorching the skin. Typically they are made of more natural ingredients, cool rapidly upon contact, and are non-sticky. We recommend looking for candles that are made of soy, coconut or beeswax. Candles made for decorative purposes have different melting points and can become hot enough to cause burns. They also tend to be made of synthetic materials and are infused with artificial colours and fragrances that may cause skin irritation.

Betty Recommends:

Temptasia Fox Drip Candle by Blush Novelties



Changing the temperature of your toys is another great technique to try. We only recommend altering the temperature of waterproof toys that are made of silicone, glass, metal or steel. Do not tamper with the temperature of any mechanized toy unless it is already equipped with that feature. Placing your steel or glass toys on ice or in cold water is preferable to putting them in the freezer. Freezing metal toys can bring them to such a dangerously cold temperature that you can actually cause frostbite and tissue damage. Try heating your toys with warm water or better yet, have them lay in waiting on a heating pad so you can easily go between hot and cold. For beginners in particular, using a warm toy can be a soothing and pleasing way to end an intense erotic experience.  

Betty Recommends:

Le Wand Arch Stainless Steel Double Ended Dildo

Icicles 67 Glass Anal Beads


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