Betty’s Guide to Buying a Strap-on Harness
Strap on harnesses can be intimidating things for the beginner but Betty’s here to walk you through the process and soon you’ll be pegging like a pro.
You can purchase a harness and dildo separately, or if you want to ensure they fit properly, check out our dildo and harness sets.
BASIC HARNESS STYLES
There are several different styles of harnesses out there and here’s what you need to look for when choosing something you think will be comfortable for you.
G-String Harness
Think of the underwear. These harnesses have a belt that goes from the back of the waist band, down between your butt cheeks, and around. Which means it will rub against your genitals. You need to think about whether you may find that arousing or uncomfortable. Pictured: The SX Advanced Harness by Blush Novelties
Jock Strap Harness
This is a very popular style since the straps go from the back of the waist, 
around your thighs, then to the front of the harness. Not only does this leave your genitals wide open for your partner, but it provides you more stability for the dildo. Pictured: The Joque Harness in black by Spareparts HardWear
Briefs and Boxers
These harnesses are growing in popularity because they can be worn under clothes discreetly, with no buckles to fuss with. They have a sewn in, reinforced O ring so you can pack or play. Knowing your measurements and ordering accordingly is important with these harnesses because a too baggy fit will give less stability to the dildo. Pictured the Packer Gear Black Boxer Packer Harness by CalExotics
WHAT IS AN “O” RING
The O ring is what holds the dildo in place. It is the small O shaped piece of silicone or rubber which is either snapped onto the dildo (G-string and jock strap) or is sewn right into the fabric (briefs and boxers). It’s important to know your ring and dildo measurements. If the ring is too tight, it can cut into the material of your dildo and break it. If it’s too loose, your dildo is going to be flopping around and you will have trouble thrusting.
Most harnesses have interchangeable O rings which snap in place, so you can use different sized dildos and switch them up. Keep in mind that many harnesses only come with the one ring though, so you can pick up a set like the Tantus O Ring Set (pictured above) if you want to use different sized dildos.
FINDING THE RIGHT SIZE FOR YOUR BODY
Many harnesses are adjustable, but you should still take a close look at the product description to make sure it will fit you. O/S or “one size” will still have a maximum waist and thigh size so check carefully. Boxer, underwear, and jock style harnesses tend to run on sizes like underwear but brands like SpareParts HardWear (Sasha harness pictured here) have very detailed measurements for you.
FINDING THE RIGHT HARNESS FOR YOUR DILDO
The easiest way to start with strap on play is to purchase a dildo and harness set like this Bend Over Beginner Dildo and Harness Set by Tantus. It comes with 2 dildos, but you can swap these out for larger ones when you gain experience.
If you are more experienced with penetration and are starting your harness play
with a larger dildo, keep in mind that the larger the dildo, the heavier it will be. You will need a more substantial harness like the Fetish Fantasy Elite Heavy Duty Universal Harness if you are wielding a larger toy.
CAN ANY DILDO BE HARNESS COMPATIBLE?
The idea dildo for harness play is one that is flared at the base, with no realistic testicles. Something like the Avant D1 Hot N Cool dildo has that flare you’re looking for. Slip the O ring over the shaft of the dildo and then snap it into place on your harness.
If a dildo has balls, then look for one with a suction cup as well. That groove between the suction cup and dildo acts as your anchor for the O ring, like the one pictured below. You can see how it fits into the harness easily.
If you’re not sure what size dildo is right for you, check out our Betty’s Guide to Dildo Size which can give you some ideas on where to begin.