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The Intimacy of Love Languages

The term 'Love Languages' has become part of the vernacular around sex and relationships. While it seems like just a simple catch phrase, the concept of love languages derives from The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.  In the book he dedicates a chapter to each of them:  words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. He believes that if we have an understanding of our preferred love language, we can share this knowledge with our partner to encourage their expression of love for us in a way we consider to be most desirable.  Once you both know your love language, try incorporating that communication style into your lovemaking. Here's our breakdown of each of the love languages and what you might want to try to help guide you to greater bliss in the bedroom.  

          

 

What is a love language?

Your love language is your ideal way of receiving love from others. The type of action you'd like your partner to take or words you'd like to hear that make you feel the most valued, desired, supported and cared for. It is the manner in which we need or want our partner to show up for us; our preferred approach for feeling affection. If we can identify our love language and share with our partner the ways that they can best meet those needs, we can work towards creating a deeper level of love and intimacy. 

Words of Affirmation

Deemed by Dr. Chapman to be the most common of the love languages, it extends beyond compliments and kind words. It is the ongoing dialogue a person needs in order to feel more intimately connected to their partner.

Communication is key in any kind of relationship and especially for those who rank words of affirmation as their preferred love language. Often the meeting of the minds has to happen before even considering any type of physical intimacy. 

Sexting is a fun way to engage in foreplay. Telling your partner in explicit detail what you want to do to them or ways that they get your motor running. Know what words are a turn off or a turn on. Do they prefer dirty talk or would they rather have you whisper sweet nothings in their ear? Of course, pillow talk is the perfect ending to a night of romance for someone whose love language is words of affirmation. 

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  Quality Time

For those who list quality time as their first love language, they typically value shared experiences with their partner. For most, the majority of that time is spent outside of the bedroom. Managing the household, time with family, watching tv, or simply just being together. 

If this is your partner's love language, make the time to connect. Pencil in plans for romance amidst the responsibilities of everyday life. Give your partner your undivided attention. Find ways to be present in one another’s presence.

It may be chatting over coffee. Sharing your most intimate fantasies. Watching porn or reading erotica together. Slow and sensual lovemaking or a quickie to satisfy your cravings. Learn the art of tantra or rope play. Get creative with an R rated coloring book

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Receiving Gifts 

For those that rank receiving gifts as their first love language, there is a need for a visual representation or tangible object in order to feel love. Gifting them with something makes them feel valued and sends a message that you are investing in your relationship.

It may be buying something specifically for them or for you to use together.  Surprising them with something that makes them feel special or sexy. Indulging their senses with a little decadence.  Maybe an item that wasn't on their wish list, but you know would enhance your overall intimate experience. Sending a gift card so that you can shop together for a naughty new item.  

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Acts of service

For those whose first love language is acts of service, having your partner paint the living room might be a bigger turn on than any kind of physical foreplay.  We feel loved and cared for by the things that they do for us.

Let your partner know how important their well-being is to you. Make them feel cared for by putting the kids to bed or the laundry away before initiating intimacy.    

Take the time to set the scene. Turn down the sheets and place a waterproof blanket on the bed so they don’t have to stress about any kind of mess. Put their favorite lube on the nightstand. Light some candles or put on mood music. Offer a slow and sensual massage to get things started. Prioritize their pleasure first.

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Physical Touch

Touch is a powerful way of communicating love, in particular for those whose first love language is physical touch. There are endless ways to explore.  From a reassuring pat on the arm, to holding hands, kissing, cuddling and making love.

Take the time to learn and explore your partner’s erogenous zones. They’re probably eager to show you the way, or you can have fun finding them on your own. Use a blindfold to prevent them from seeing what's coming next. 

Create new sensory experiences. Use lubes that heat things up or cool things down. Arousal or enhancement creams for extra stimulation. Pumps that get the blood flowing and heighten sensation. Why not try some impact play with floggers or ticklers.

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Knowing your love language feels empowering. It helps prioritize your needs and desires in a way that is best suited for you both. It takes the onus off of your partner to be a mind reader allows for clear communication and helps to deepen the intimate connection you both crave. Take the quiz to find out what your love language is.