Oh, the Clitoris, where to start with this controversial, misunderstood, and frequently disregarded organ. With the help of Caitlin K Roberts, a sex educator and somatic educator based in Toronto, Shelly, the Pleasure Diva, a sex and relationship expert, and my trusty and reliable sidekick, the internet, hereâs everything you need to know about the clitoris.
Letâs get started with the basics â what is the clit, where can you find it, and why is it important?
First, what is it?
For people with vaginas, the clitoris is an organ located in the genitals.
And itâs located where?
Located âat the top of the Vaginal area, [the clitoris] is safely tucked under the lips of the Vulva and enclosed by the clitoral hood,â says Shelly, the Pleasure Diva.
However, thereâs more to the clitoris than meets the eye, and I donât just mean this figuratively. Unbeknownst to me (and maybe you!), that description only leads us to the location of the external part of the clitoris. Thereâs an internal part too. âThe internal portion is shaped like a wishbone. It goes down the outer labia with two legs coming down. Both legs have a clitoral bulb attached to them that wraps behind the legs. When aroused, the bulbs become engorged - just like when a penis becomes erect when turned on, the clitoris acts the same,â Caitlin tells us.
Ok, so why is this internal/external organ so important?
What makes the clit unique is that itâs primary function in our body is for sexual pleasure. Yes, you read that correctly. There isnât another part of our bodies like this.
With around 8,000 nerve endings âdouble the amount a penis has â the clit can be a very sensitive spot for a woman. â8,000 nerve endings in one place is a lot â sometimes it can be painful if you give direct touch there,â says Caitlin.Yet, âmost women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm,â says Shelly. And sheâs right, approximately 70% of women need some sort of clitoral stimulation in order to reach climax.Â
For those who find direct touch too sensitive or stimulating, there are other ways to trigger clitoral sensation. âBecause it exists on the inside as well, internal stimulation inside the vagina can stimulate portions of the clitorisâs structure. So if you donât like external touch, there are a lot of things inside that can stimulate the clitoris in the same way,â says Caitlin.As both an internal and external source of pleasure, itâs easy to see why the clitoris is so important for female sexual pleasure.
But, the important question is, how can you give either yourself or your partner clitoral pleasure?
Well, itâs all about touch â what type of motion youâre using, what speed youâre moving at, how much pressure youâre using â and, most importantly, what you or your partner enjoys. âEvery single person likes to be touched differently. Exploring this touch on yourself as well as other partners is important. The way I touch myself may not be the same way as a partner touches me,â says Caitlin. âThe type of touch needed for the clitoris can be hard to find especially if you donât know where it is on yourself, which can make it difficult for you to tell your partner or even for yourself when youâre masturbating. Knowing where you feel pleasure on your body can help you show your partner where you like to be touched.â
âOne of the most common mistakes when engaging the clitoris is applying "heavy pressure," when youâre stimulating it. Slow down honey! This can have an adverse effect and cause over-stimulation and desensitization if you do this before the clitoris has had the opportunity to engorge,â Shelly cautions.
There are three essential takeaways here: first, you have to figure out what you like so exploring your body on your own is imperative; second, itâs important to create a supportive space with your romantic partner(s) where you both feel comfortable communicating what you like and dislike; third, experiment! On yourself and your partner!
Since we now know clitoral pleasure varies from person-to-person, here is a quick list of ways you can engage or touch the clitoris to help jumpstart your experimentation. With your index and middle finger held together, try the following and move your fingers:
- Up and down
- Side to side
- In Circular motions
- Tap your Clitoris
- Vibrations (youâll need a toy for this one)
- Slapping
- Apply deep pressure and hold it
- Give your vulva a massage â try different types of pressure to find out what works best!
- And finally, since the clitoris goes down the side of the labia, try touching the inside and outside of your labia
And if youâre wondering how you can start including your clitoris while engaging in penetrative sex, here are a few options.
First, depending on the position, ask your partner to place his/her two fingers together and try one of the above strokes or, if you can, try doing it yourself!
Second, there are a ton of toys you can use, and some of them are even hands free (technology can really be a wonderful thing sometimes). I asked Kate Sloan, a sex toy connoisseur and operator of Girly Juice, for a couple recommendations. She suggested the following:
If these toys donât tickle your fancy, look for small and lightweight toys, they work best for clitoral stimulation.
Now that you know the what, where, why, and how about the clitoris⌠itâs time for you to experiment!